After reading the Journal of Best Practices and receiving my Aspie diagnosis almost simultaneously, I was determined to transcend my wiring in the context of my marriage. I could not wait to show my neurotypical husband my new skills. He’s a cuddly guy. I love to cuddle, too, so long as he’s not exuding heat, smelling like garlic or onion, breathing loudly or with a faint whistle, or lightly touching any part of me. What a surprise it would be if I spontaneously snuggled him with no solicitation!
Because I don’t do spontaneous, I planned this gesture in painstaking detail. I would do it during Real Housewives of Beverly Hills (a fascinating peephole into the befuddling world of human behavior). I would make my affection appear natural, perhaps following a bathroom break. He would receive me with stunned gratitude and would praise my “normie” traits, which, as it turned out, were only one conscious decision away!
When the moment was right, I put my spontaneous plan into motion. With nonchalance, I plopped myself clumsily onto what I expected to be his lap but ended up being his left leg and the couch cushion. I would have determined this to be a minor slip-up, were he not wailing in agony. As he writhed and yowled beneath me, I felt confused. When he reminded me he’d suffered extensive injuries in a skateboarding accident that very day, I did not. After all, the funky coloring of his huge bruises had very recently grossed me out and sent tingles up the backs of my thighs. These tingles assaulted me again now and left me virtually unable to soothe him.
Darn you, abysmally low empathy quotient!
Hi. This is my 1st time reading your blog. I’ve read through all the posts on this page. I have smiled through each one. I’ll be back for sure.
Thank you! And thanks for coming by!
love the new blog! can i tell jan, who was a fan
of yours? 8)
Of course! Tell everyone you know
Thanks for stopping by!
I kept looking at the picture thinking – I think that’s you, but that’s definitely not your husband! I looked some more and finally realized its a stock picture! lol I didn’t know you are without empathy! You do a good job of it with us =)
Ha ha ha! I suppose I’ve been known to dabble in brown hair dye a time or two. And thanks for the empathy comment. I’m actually not bad for an Aspie, but pretty abysmal compared to the average woman. The empathy thing is a hard one to wrap the head around. It’s not that I don’t care. If I get where someone is coming from, I TOTALLY care. The difficulty is in getting to the point where I do understand that person’s perspective.
Man, do I every agree that the empathy part of relationships is hard…so many factors and potential slip ups. My fiancee is a very social NT guy and he is easily hurt, too. I think I need a little personal PDA that beeps once or twice an hour and says “Hug your boyfriend!” Like you I TOTALLY care but I do have to make the conscious effort. So far the most embarassing thing I’ve done was kiss his nose and eyeball because I got all flustered when he asked me to kiss him goodbye at the airport before he went on a business trip.
Love your page and will be back…
Thanks, Twizted Traveler! I am so impressed that you are an extreme traveler. And I love the beeping PDA. I need one too
So: wow, this totally explains my son to me. He is the most loving and caring child…once he’s reminded why someone is upset, or hurt by him, or WHY they’re reacting X way. If it’s a new scenario to him he can seem cold or indifferent.
GREAT blog, by the way, our mutual friend pointed me this way.
Yes – indifferent is definitely me until I understand how the other person is feeling. And then I’m as empathetic as all get-out! Thanks so much for stopping by and commenting, Cheri!
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